While I Was Sick in Bed...

(Have been sick and getting over it the last week or so, as well as being busy as all heck. When I was stuck in bed for a few days, I felt pretty helpless and went through a depressed moment. Haven't felt super inspired lately, but here's a very short piece I wrote when I was under the weather.)

There is a mote behind a door, waiting to push its way through

With every opportunity

Selective moments

Awaiting love to be grasped

Desperate in a desolate space and alone

~Tina Meeks

Mindful Chillin'

From where I sit, the clouds

move across the sky faster than usual

It's a day where the weather is

noticeably taking a change for the season

Masala chai spices warm my stomach

and numb my tongue slightly 

Breathing in and being aware of

every moment is nothing more than a gift

of understanding

that I am at peace for a few moments

Not because the world has stopped 

Not because something has dramatically taken place

or changed

Simply because I have understood my body

I understand each breath going in

and returning to out to be natural,

and recognizing this only proves to me, growth

Personal expansion in the universe once again

Thoughts continuously race through,

don't get me wrong, they always will

And the objective is not to disregard them or dismiss

But hold them in a chamber to understand as they come

When they rush through, nurture them

When they pile high, attempt them

with good intention only

Be at peace the way the clouds move across the sky

~Tina Meeks 

Leftover Feelings To An Ex

There will never be solidarity 

Never

Even if we wanted it mutually

Neither of us will ever be

understood in the way we wish,

and a part of that is terrible

because I thought we were friends

I know this is bizarre and peculiar

And no one gets it quite like we do

It makes perfect sense

A part of me just wishes we were both a bit more transparent

and willing and understanding

We could try harder

We just never do

I'm sorry that I am nothing for you

No longer a considered entity

You are for me

~ Tina Meeks

I Came As One

I've been told to come as one so I don't feel alone

I am never alone, just lonely

My fears are unspoken but my face

speaks involuntarily

Thanks, face

It's a given

I wish I could float ahead and see the future

for what it may be

But another part of me would stay back

to see what is behind

in case I am ever followed

~Tina Meeks

Childhood

As a child, I was

afraid of my shadow

Later on, I found out

that was fairly common for children

But that never stopped me

from feeling alone

~Tina Meeks

Fellow Sagittarius

I used to believe in your sincerity and innocence

that you declared to me

Regularly,

you seemed ideal and kept a watchful eye

It was perfect with boundaries

Boundaries are okay, they're perfect

They declare and demand 

our deepest depressions and 

individualistic separations

from one another

We are terrified of anything else

in any other way

Like I said, it's okay

We should be kept on our nervous toes

sometimes

They take us to unknown destinations
and places with grass

from the other side of the fence,

which is bound to turn yellow

And change is good, like all of the seasons

and all of the words changing

and having their own homes

Pretending to be under the same roof

when their own is a little leaky

These words are never silent

They are whole and they bring us together

in a conversation

when they need to be released

between you and me

And with all of the other times without,

the spaces enjoy the solitude

That's where the real sincerity lies

In between the cracks separating 

you and me and watching from a far

Highlighting the boundaries 

Discretely, not secretly

We know what is there

So, don't pretend

~Tina Meeks

Nights Like These

We look at each other from across the table

Within a crowded room, a helpless romantic 

can only hope to listen to her voices words

When she smiles and glances away from

making pristine eye contact because its too much,

one can begin to wonder, what are we doing across the table

from one another?

I think it'd be hilarious if we turned out one day to be lovers

It would go against nearly everything we've ever 

weaved together into our basket or painted thoughts,

drunken nights, and sleepovers that felt like

nights where we were little girls

We never talked then 

Across the table from one another,

we make up for lost years

and spurt out our lives

We spit truths even if we knew them all along

The difference between us is,

you're psychic 

You know my life and my thoughts

from the inside, out

More than anyone from the same perspective

We are relatively close to being you, the activist

and I, the visionary

I could paint you in my mind endlessly

From your perfect teeth to your poetic mind

that the internet can only catch glimpses and squint to see

I'd never kiss you in mid sentence to try and be "cute"

I'm a gentle lady in disguise, with class

Together, we have delicately coated minds

that are acrylic

I wish that all of the nights across the table

went on into the next day and more

Like this night, will never end

~Tina Meeks