The longer I try to keep my distance
the harder it is to look back
and trust that there is genuine care rupturing
out of a human dynamic
I want to believe so hard that there is
no single-sided pain
but I'm over here burning up with
irrational mood swings
and skeptical antics
Thought patterns, around the clock
and inducing the panic
Walking backward into corners
and blindly choosing to make a move
I want to skip a turn
to hold in place long enough
to access my own mental crevices
without doing something stupid
Maintaining this distance stings
The ominous, lack of approach keeps me from unleashing
a tsunami of unarranged thoughts
and paranoias that serve no one
I'm aware of how I am
Looking back is not living in the past
Looking back is surveying what can be done differently
and proceed forward
I'm rejecting and attempting to not
unravel spoken tangents
because what I felt
serves no one and I'd rather
drive myself mad
than reveal pointless sad heart syndrome
on anyone
Isolation is only the beginning of the one lane highway
I'm here with a full tank of gas to brave this one.
~Tina Meeks
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