Present

 

Condensed into a smaller period of time.
Tummy rumbles.
All I wanted was the sun to kiss my skin.
To caress my being, simply, as I basked in the prevalence of warmth
like a dry shower.
Perfectly warm and relaxing,
I needed nothing but to rest my body.
I was temporarily paralyzed under the sea of radiance.
My wonderings were of no judgment,
only curiosities and acceptance.
I had surrendered to anything that came over me.
The images in my head were swirling around and coming together.
Other alphabet systems created words laid out.
The word, "Ashriv" appeared as itself and the reflection of itself in reverse.
I am small in a sea of feelings and things.
Simply being.
A small existence among large happenings.
I an now sitting in the middle of the woods.
Came out here hoping to connect with myself and the trees and for some reason, I'm feeling pure lonesome and wishing to love and be loved.
There is so much love in the world to give and receive.
I only want to feel it and see it like it's some tangible thing.
Maybe that's ignorant or senseless.
Lately I have no idea where my head even is and what I may even want in life right now so what sense would it make?
I am resilient and seeing so much beauty in people and find enjoyment in the simplest of things.
I am eager to feel at peace and grounded again.
I feel whole and confident and somewhat secure in my body.
Nothing has been stripped away from my being though my ego, pressed up against enough to question its position.
I want to run away from how I'm feeling and find comfort somewhere and hide.
And I can't.
There's no way to run outside of my own body and pretend to feel otherwise.
I am hurt, I acknowledge that, and have no grasp on myself like I wish I did.

~Tina Meeks