Present

 

Condensed into a smaller period of time.
Tummy rumbles.
All I wanted was the sun to kiss my skin.
To caress my being, simply, as I basked in the prevalence of warmth
like a dry shower.
Perfectly warm and relaxing,
I needed nothing but to rest my body.
I was temporarily paralyzed under the sea of radiance.
My wonderings were of no judgment,
only curiosities and acceptance.
I had surrendered to anything that came over me.
The images in my head were swirling around and coming together.
Other alphabet systems created words laid out.
The word, "Ashriv" appeared as itself and the reflection of itself in reverse.
I am small in a sea of feelings and things.
Simply being.
A small existence among large happenings.
I an now sitting in the middle of the woods.
Came out here hoping to connect with myself and the trees and for some reason, I'm feeling pure lonesome and wishing to love and be loved.
There is so much love in the world to give and receive.
I only want to feel it and see it like it's some tangible thing.
Maybe that's ignorant or senseless.
Lately I have no idea where my head even is and what I may even want in life right now so what sense would it make?
I am resilient and seeing so much beauty in people and find enjoyment in the simplest of things.
I am eager to feel at peace and grounded again.
I feel whole and confident and somewhat secure in my body.
Nothing has been stripped away from my being though my ego, pressed up against enough to question its position.
I want to run away from how I'm feeling and find comfort somewhere and hide.
And I can't.
There's no way to run outside of my own body and pretend to feel otherwise.
I am hurt, I acknowledge that, and have no grasp on myself like I wish I did.

~Tina Meeks

Just Your Average Friday, I Guess

 

The trees stand glowing

in the rays of the sun

with their leaves,

a loud chartreuse and still.

Between those leaves rest shadows,

like pockets of dark memories

or experiences that are ever shifting

beneath the altering sunlight peering.

Like a secondary thought that gets grazed over.

The shadowy undermounts modestly 

holding space

and the fleeting hope 

to be noticed

goes by in a hushed breeze.

~Tina Meeks

Lonely Attachment

 I still dream about you

We share intimacy, yet no emotional connection

We force actions over our words

while whispering sweet nothings with no depth

We are trying to make a pendulum in order

to take our chances and risk something with each other

I hardly know you and have no idea

why I'm trying so hard to fight for a feeling I'm only half invested in

Loneliness is hurting my insides and keeping a bad taste in my mouth

I have spun around in circles trying to understand what to do next

I think I like you?

 And trying not to be selfish or possessive and protect

 myself from unknown bodies of human affection

I enjoy being unreadable

Legible, I am not

Try me, don't judge me

 touch me, don't budge me

Be patient, don't rush me

I think we like holding each other at a healthy distance

While caressing the back of your hand

While stroking the inside of my thigh

Whisk me away,

sweep me off my feet,

and good luck.

~Tina Meeks

Marina Sunset

It's almost imagination that falls behind the sun

The space that doesn't seem to exist at all.

Whether it be the clouds or more mountains and hillside,

or maybe it's simply the other side of the sun.

There is nothing more bittersweet than the sun falling

behind the peaks of a distant ridge and witnessing

the break between night and day.

Like the shadows between you and I reveal themselves

in the moments the turmoil stiffens into tumultuous, sunburning 
and blinding of the darkness.

~Tina Meeks

You Can Read These Poems & Still Never Know Who I Am.

 "Pull me closer".

I'd breathe deep.

Pull her in.

Stroke the bare skin of her

hips and ease into an effortless

night dream

with tingling 

fingers and lingering 

inhalations that come a dime a dozen.

Not coming close to

equating to the same

in time grazing around.

~Tina Meeks

This Girl

 

I've been lifted and put onto a lily pad

Floating on the modest sea, and all I want to do is

dilly dally and pretend 

that I'm confident in this layer of skin but really,

I'm new here.

You're here.

We are virgins to the experience and it blurs before my eyes.

For the sea has taken us both, literally.

We are shipwrecked now to a place that never sinks

And a place that rarely anchors to the sandy bottom beneath.

She's got no anchor, she just gets sleepy.

She's whatever she needs to be for the time being.

She's a moment to fall for and harbor.

She will make you crave her here and now.

She knows how sexy it is when she floats and catches the waves.

This mermaid 

has a destiny of wanderlust and chemistry dreams.

Playing games with my recollections and wonderings,

and longings.

And all I wanted was the Evangelical details of her walls and laughs,

and the shapeshifting nature of her varying degrees.

~Tina Meeks

My Current State

 

Recently, I've been running away from my own feelings,

and afraid to sit with them. 

So, instead,

I taper and cater

the moments to something else.

Being in the moments feel wrong.

In which case, drifting back to what once was

makes sense to grasp how

I'm going to get to the next place.

I'm just lost.

Staring out into the darkness and chartreuse

of greenery to recap on how

I got all of these wilted leaves. 

I thought I was shaded from the things that once hurt me.

Turns out

now I'm jaded, started drinking again, 

and I'm still thirsty.

~Tina Meeks