I want to cry every time I'm near you,
from the rush of entangled emotions that
don't self identify.
There is shaky ground below my feet
-oh wait, it's just my trembling legs because
stability surrendered itself.
Self confidence has run away
and I feel like crying every time I see you,
because I dwell on the past
and wish I felt like fucking
around with several people I don't know
just to feel better.
Once upon a time, our lives
intertwined
and curled like vines
when they grow happily.
It is now the luck of a drawing
to even bring us in the same room.
I'm struggling to impress you with
something every second
and allowing space for you to rant
about whatever is on your mind
and needs to exit,
and stowing myself away to hide from
invisible shame.
Peering at you under Himalayan salt lamp light
only stirs up wishes of having your company
into the night and next morning
to meander about with morning breath and coffee.
I'm tired of pretending that crying isn't
an activity that I do all the time now
from yearning for your time,
energy, body, smell, taste, skin.
I wish that you didn't scare me with the grasp
you have around me.
~Tina Meeks
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